D E A T H

When I visited the wake of my teacher’s niece who died of dengue, I realized that there is a thin line that separate life and death. How can a nine year old girl, an only child who is so active and full of life died suddenly in a span of days after being diagnosed with this mosquito infected virus. Death for me is relative to old age and retirement. Someone who lived his life full time and experienced the earthly wonders of life. It all changed after that visit.

I’ve been so focus with my life before. Tormenting myself what I would be in the next five, ten, twenty years. Sacrificing the present and expecting to reap it in the future unconscious that death may arrive in a matter of seconds. What if my life ends now? Will my sacrifices be carried over to the life after my death? Will the fruits of my labor be “offset” to the persons I left behind? Will the people I’ve hurt feel how sorry I am after my death? These questions help me realized that life is not a battle or something to conquer with. When I transferred to manila, my friends thought of it as my “death”. It was an illogical decision that’s difficult for them to comprehend. I can’t blame them really. I left my friends, the wonderful community of badminton, my lola, my mother’s car, our house. Transferring to the big city, commuting and living with three other strangers and doing all the chores an independent person would do. In short, I left my comfort zone. What if I will not be happy there? What if my salary will not be enough to pay all the bills like the room I am renting? Whatever the outcome of this “deathly decision”, I will have no regrets. This is what I wanted. I wanted to leave the life I am living and take that risk for I may not know what holds for me in the future. I am not afraid to take it for I believed that nothing is certain in this life.